Wakes from Clay

Plywood at 65 MPH

Clay Smith — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 18:33:17 +0000

I would like to ask a couple questions of the fellow driving the truck that cut me off on the freeway this morning. I want to know why he felt it necessary to swerve two feet in front my car when we both had two tractor-trailor lengths between us and the next cars in our lanes. I also want to know why he was speeding down the road with loose plywood in his bed. I’m minding my own business in the family van, cruise-controlling the second lane of the freeway, when Peter Poor-Planning cuts in and slings a sheet of plywood from his truck at my front bumper. I’m just grateful it didn’t hit my windshield because I pulverized that plywood. It would have destroyed any glass it hit.

The damage is limited to that corner of the car. It scratched the plastic and the paint, busted one of the lamps so that it’s hanging down, and tore a corner of the other lamp cover. Again, I’m grateful, but frustrated.

Adrian Hunches

Clay Smith — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 19:14:23 +0000

What do young theologians look like? Surrounded by books, Adrian Crum hunches over his computer while working on his baptism debate speech in the Providence library.

Joy Looks at Photos of Joy

Clay Smith — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 09:00:48 +0000

We printed off some digital photos to send to our less-connected family members back east. Joy likes to find the photos she’s in.

Joy’s Fourth Birthday

Clay Smith — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 04:48:36 +0000

My sister Joy turned four on November 2. We celebrated her birthday with cake, balloons, and presents. Her presents included a Barbie bike, a red Christmas dress, the Candyland board game, and a Viewmaster with cartoon pictures. She’s not into Barbies, but it was the only bike small enough for her and she likes that it’s pink. Joy moves all of the tokens when playing Candyland, but we haven’t tried to teach her the concept of moving backwards. Her cake was homemade and “Finding Nemo” themed—that is, blue with fish ornaments. We’ve had Joy for a little over a year now, and we think she finally feels at home.

I captured with my camera several minutes of the unwrapping and her testing out her new bike. The hill is a bit too steep for her, but she really enjoys it on the flat surfaces. Sshh! We even let her ride it around inside the house on the stone floors.

Maybe our friends and relatives can join us on her next birthday! Until then, enjoy the video and the photos below. Clicking on any of the photos will take you to a page where you can download them.

A Short Video of the Afternoon

Joy’s Fourth Birthday from Clay Smith on Vimeo.

Some Photos from Joy’s Party

Joy’s Fourth Birthday from Clay Smith on Picasa.

My Balogna

Clay Smith — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 22:21:39 +0000

My balogna has a third name,
it’s E-S-Q-U-I-R-E.
My bologna is a lawyer,
and it defended me.

My balogna has a fourth name,
it’s THE T-H-I-R-D.
My balogna comes from a long line
in the Meyer family.

Red Dot Stores

Clay Smith — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 20:31:52 +0000

Some friends and I were talking about the other day at lunch. The conversation turned to the topic of Blue Laws, Fireworks stores, and package stores. I explained that package stores in South Carolina have to display red dots on their exterior. I guess it was hard for some to believe, so I said I’d get them some pictures to prove that there are liquor stores in some parts of the country with big red dots on the side. I picked Rock Hill, SC because it’s my birth home, but any city in any wet county in South Carolina will have these dots, as far as I know. I think other states do this, too, but I don’t know which. I couldn’t find my personal photos of the red dots, so I picked out the best links from Google.

Kinds of Dots on Package Stores

Small dots
Dots in the windows
Big single dot (also, the “ABC” stands for “Alcoholic Beverage Control”)
Big shameless dots
Dots incorporated into logo

There seem to be ten package stores in Rock Hill. Yay for liquor! And for nostalgia’s sake, here’s my childhood home!

Ode to Schwarzwald

Clay Smith — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 21:27:35 +0000

Lavish Black Forest
gave us Hans “Martin” Luder
and smoked, peppered ham.

Aaron Belz

Clay Smith — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 07:01:45 +0000

When she asked
   why is that called ‘poetry’?
I answered
   because a thought pauses in the middle
   and a new line begins,

   also–
      Capitalization
         is irregular.

Trips to Italy

Clay Smith — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 06:16:35 +0000

Israeli Muslim Nurse: [to my mother, pointing to me] Is this your son, the one learning Hebrew?
Me: Biblical Hebrew. Though we’re learning the Modern Hebrew pronunciation, since my professor doesn’t see much sense in us learning the American seminary style.
Nurse: Ah! So… [he says something in Hebrew]
Me: [blinks] Um…I’ve—I’ve only had one month of classes thus far.
Nurse: [laughs] What made you want to learn Hebrew?
Me: Well, I’m a Bible student. I’m studying to be a Christian missionary.
Nurse: Oh, so many trips to Italy, huh?
Me: [blinks] Oh! No. We’re not Catholic. We’re Protestant Christians. No trips to Rome.

In retrospect, I could have handled that better. But as I told my mother later, I wouldn’t never had guessed his next line would be “many trips to Italy?” And what he said to me in Hebrew sounded very familiar. I wish I had been able to catch it.

Add Your Sweet Blip.fm Feed to Sweetcron in Style

Clay Smith — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 01:10:31 +0000

I searched the Sweetcron Google Group and didn’t see any plugin for Blip.fm. So I knocked one out. This plugin will pull up your Blips and load those suckers into your Sweetcron lifestream, complete with Blip.fm’s custom audio player. It’s like they were meant for each other.

if (!defined('BASEPATH')) exit('No direct script access allowed');
class Blip_fm {
function pre_db($item, $original)
{
return $item;
}
function pre_display($item)
{
$link = $item->item_data['permalink'];
preg_match("/[\d]+$/", $link, $matches);
$blipID = $matches[0];
$item->item_data['video'] = '.$blipID.'" />.$blipID.'">';
$item->item_content = '';
return $item;
}
}
?>

I’m not offering any support. If it don’t work, it don’t work. Install it like any other plugin, following the official instructions from the project page. I release just the above code into public domain.